Worship was the second hardest thing for me to grasp as a new Christian. It was absolutely amazing the things that people did during worship. I couldn’t understand what made people cry during times of worship. Most of all, I didn’t know what part to play during the whole experience.
The falling down, speaking in tongues, random shouts, and other expressions left me swirling with questions of, “should I be doing the same thing?”
I totally felt inadequate in the presence of God. “But I love God too!” I thought.
Actually, I completely adored Jesus, but I couldn’t seem to come up with my own dramatic expressions as well.
How do we measure the quality of worship? Is it by the ear piercing shouts or by the various expressions found in a service. Maybe if the singers were good and the instrumentalists professional, then we’d feel closer to God. I simply had no answer and would never have guessed what God did next.
God decided to call me into the ministry of praise and worship.
Oh no!!! What?
I was completely clueless on what to do concerning worship. My praise and worship to God was happy and full of laughter. I couldn’t sum up a fake tear!
At the time, I mistakenly separated worship and praise. I thought praise meant upbeat, happy songs while worship meant sad, slow and utterly long songs. I majored in praise because my expressions matched with happy, upbeat and NOT sad.
At some point, I was requested to lead my first worship session and all I could think was, “what if I’m not accepted? What if I’m too boring to lead anyone into the throne of God.”
Then God took me through His training course by the Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirit: Ngina my beloved girl, I need you to understand that worship is not about shouting, dancing, singing, or every other expression you see. It is your connection with God.
Me(Ngina): Lord, give me an example.
Holy Spirit: When you open up to me in the morning during your drive to school, and tell me how much you love me or even how you couldn’t live without me, THAT IS WORSHIP.
What! But God, that is so boring. I can’t lead worship and do that! Everyone will stare at me as if I don’t know what I’m doing.
I wasn’t after leading the people of God to His throne. I was more concerned about how I appeared in front of everyone else. But true worship isn’t about us; it is about our beautiful savior, Jesus Christ.
I repented for all the times I had made fun of people who had cried and shouted and acted out of the ordinary in their worship. It wasn’t my responsibility to judge but to genuinely press into the presence of God. My repentance brought with it a new sense of freedom. Freedom to jump, laugh, dance and praise God the way He made me to praise Him.
Freedom comes the moment we understand that we have nothing to prove to anyone. We can let go and forget about who’s watching us to give God the praise He deserves. We were truly created by God to make His praise glorious!